smonk you: the best freaking daddy blog ever

First of let's start by saying he never technically became a teenage girl. If that disappoints you I'm sorry. If he had become one overnight I probably would have been on the Today Show and would be writing a book about it because that's what you do. Also I should mention that this is another in my VapoDad series. These posts are about taking care of someone when they're sick... And it's a two parter in one post. The first part being long and rambling and the second one being short. Part one: So waiting for MF to get sick didn't take long because he was sick about a two weeks ago. Just pink eye in both eyes, bronchitis (which I totally spelled correctly without spell check but you'll have to take my word on that) and a slight ear infection. This of course meant I was sick last week but only for a bit. And you're asking how he became a teenage girl... Well I'll tell you and then you'll get pissed that I'm saying he was a teenage girl i...

On both of my computers I have a playlist called "Music for the kid" both are unfinished. When I'm hanging with MF I usually have the radio on and ask if he wants to listen to Rock and Roll or Classical... Three of four times he says Rock and Roll which is awesome to hear a kid say (and that statement is weird for me to be making because I think back at two years ago when people woud say "doesn't he/she say that so cute?" and I'd be thinking "No." Since he's a fan of the Rock and/or Roll I'm trying to make a good playlist of music that I can listen to and that is good for MF to jam to. I have a few rules: It can't be music for kids – I recently bought a Lisa Loeb  kid's cd . I rather like it (Staci doesn't – but it's been confirmed that I'm right ) but that stuff and things like it won't make the list. It has to be something I can listen to on heavy rotation because I know how kids are with music. And...

The kid is becoming a bit of a Luddite... Not in a go out, grab a hoody and blow some stuff up kind of way... He just isn't always a fan of technology. We kind of swore of television for Miloh before he was born... Then slipped a bit when he was super-crazy new and we were super-crazy tired... We let him watch Planet Earth... I know, scandalous. Then we went cold turkey on television for a long while until he was a toddler and mornings were just a little bit better with a cat and a also a hat . Our doctor had said a little bit before bed was ok too... As long as he had under a half hour a day... And most days he didn't hit that... Although he learned good stuff from TV... Seriously he learned a lot of words from Sesame St... We did notice he got hooked fast... What I'm trying to say here is the kid was watching television and while it was either nature shows or PBS stuff we always felt a bit guilty. So we shut it off again with the exception of a little Busytown Mys...

Disclaimer: again I was going to write a real post... And then this was too good not to post... And if you follow me on twitter you may have seen it... And this is completely inappropriate... And this paragraph is some of the worst grammar I've used... Probably. Also I really like PD Eastman but he left himself wide open for this. We got our first snow this weekend... And it's awesome because while it's MF's third season of snow it's really the first time he gets how awesome it is... Or at least that it exists. A few weeks ago Staci had the great idea to get MF a book about snow so he could learn about it before it hits. She picked up PD Eastman's Snow . And, well, not sure I really need to comment about how this looks out of context. Even the dog is embarrassed.  Really it's PD and Roy McKie's book so I'm not sure who's to blame. And for what it's worth the book is great. P.S. Miloh when you're reading this it's inapp...

So here's the deal... First off all blog post, speeches and the like should start with "here's the deal". But while that's some ground breaking info it's not what the post is about. It's about my Virginia Slims moment... I've come a long way... baby (this is where I would link off to a vintage Virginia Slims spot but they are incredibly hard to find... And really it's the only reason I used that phrase... This is a cutaway fail). I was born and raised in the suburbs. And was a total suburban kid... I was that kid at punk shows wearing a gap hooded long sleeve hooded t-shirt because, well shit, my mom bought my clothes, I didn't know why I needed to look all punk and they were plain and easy... And really I didn't know any better... But it became my style so there you go. What I'm saying is that while I hung with the punks I looked like the suburbs... As an aside I'll say that some of the most punk people I knew did not ha...

I was going to write an acutal post... One that actually mentions the scene in this video... But it's so much easier to just put up a video and feel like I did something and push any real work til later. Here's the deal... I've mentioned it before but MF loves watching this one Danny MacAskill video out there... Sometimes in the morning he'll point to the computer and say "bike". Then I say no because we don't want him in front of a screen all the time. Then he says "bike" again and I give in because A) he's cute and B) I'm brainwashing him into liking bikes... So today I took a video of him watching and doing commentary... He'll be taking Sal Masekela's job any day now. Also not sure why any of you would want to watch this because it's five and a half minutes long... Best parts are in the beginning where he sees Danny's shoes while he pulls a street sign out of the ground... He says daddy but in the past when ...

Disclaimer: I'm probably not the one you want to go to for info about Montessori, Staci would be a good place to go, but I do give a good lay person perspective. When I was in elementary school I new one kid who went to Montessori in preschool and he was a dork. So if you extrapolate that out it means all Montessori kids are dorks. It's the "All sheep are mammals but not all mammals are sheep" kind of thing... And I had only seen sheep. There are a lot of misconceptions about what Montessori is like and I think that the example above is a bit global... Others think that it's too strict and that kids become robots and have no fun. Really it's bad marketing, and a bad business model because Montessori hasn't been trade marked so anyone can use the name even if they don't follow the method at all. (For more info on schools that follow the method check out the AMI or AMS websites... AMI is closest to the original method). Anyway Miloh's b...

The best part of my blog is finding how you all find me... And a bit of folks find me through search... Not for things like; "who's the most powerful and most awesome daddy blogger?" "who's the sexiest daddy blogger ever?" or "what blogger would be the best POTUS?" So here are some of the favorite search terms that brought people to my site in the last six months... If one of you found me with one of these searches and still read you are awesome: fucked up words of wisdom (honestly my favorite) you got your peanut butter on my fish (many variations of) ikea kids shitting bunny  (many variations of this too) 99 problems and the bitch ate one? brown stuff coming out of rabbits bum (reading this made me laugh so hard I started to choke) clouth dipers are bullshit (I actually liked them for MF... Also they spelled it wrong) dumb ass dog gay belly daddy having a baby sounds like the worst thing ever how to determine the amount of urine in ...

We all know the book Go, Dog. Go! ... at least I hope we all know that book because really it would be a shame if you don't. In fact if you don't please put away your computer, phone, tablet or webTV and go to your nearest book store and buy it because it rocks. It's one of my favorite kid's books and one of MF's... He calls it Dogs Going in Cars. Reading it to him he actually learned the concept of in and out... Big and little as well as some of the colors he didn't know... But the most important thing he's learning from the book is a bit more subtle... Something that's sinking in to his brain now... Something he'll be able to use in his teens and early twenties... He's learning how to be a total ass to women and therefore hook up with them. Let's examine. The hat's not so bad. I mean the hat's not great but he doesn't have to be a dick about it... Notice he steals her feather. And this one... Yeah it...

I was going to do a post but then got lazy... So here's a video of Miloh pushing his shopping cart around whole foods. We've been there twice and he already knows where the free bread is.   Also since the quality of the video is so amazing you'll want to know the equipment used. The camera is from my awesome Sprint phone and the steadicam is my arm.