smonk you: the best freaking daddy blog ever

A long, long time ago I was doing a guest post on someone's blog and I asked for suggestions of what to write about. Jason from The iHubby  suggested I do a Lost style flash forward of what Miloh will be in when he grows up. And I think this is a good week to write the post as it links to my earlier Open Letter post this week... A tiny bit of a spoiler... And no I don't think he should write open letters for free stuff so he never has to work a day in his life... That's my retirement plan. That was super tough at the time because Miloh was just a little lump that didn't do much... But now he's got a personality so maybe I can guess... Of course I'll probably be wrong. But I can say that I think people's careers are hard wired early. I remember a ton of ad campaigns from the 80s... Way too many... And I'm in marketing so really that ridiculous use of my brain is important. Also anything I think he will be is probably me just wishing stuff on him...

Dear folks at Pentax Today I got a fortune cookie that said "The thought that leads to no action is not thought--it is dreaming." And I thought about it for a second and then wondered why they used two dashes instead of an em dash. Seems a bit lazy to me on the part of the fortune cookie writer. But then I thought that I should write this letter today because I had the idea a bit ago and if I don't write it soon there will be no point.  I should also note that the other day I got a fortune that said "Your judgement is a little off at this time.  Rely on friends." I chose to ignore that one as there was a double space after the period. But I'm not bugging you just to tell you I eat a lot of Chinese food. I'm bugging you for a totally different reason. I want to ask if you want to make me the happiest male-mommy blogger by sending me a Optio WG-1 camera. In return I'll make Pentax my semi-official point and shoot camera fo

If it wasn't for butter or readily available, super good pastries and baked goods I'd be vegan. That being said I can't think of a time I cooked mac and cheese until about two weeks ago. I got smart early. around eight, and gave up cheese and that was pre-mac and cheese cooking time. But I found myself having to make a bowl for Miloh a few weeks back... And I'm not ashamed to say I had no idea what I was doing. I could follow the box directions but I'm all for tasting foods when cooking and there is no way in hell I'm gonna taste cheese voluntarily. And then there are eggs... Honestly I can't think of a time I've ever eaten an egg (outside of the aforementioned baked good category). But one night a bit ago when I was trying to figure what I'd feed Miloh for breakfast the next morning, since it was my time for MF duty, I decided to make hard boiled eggs. Luckily we have a little egg thing you throw in the water and it tells you when the eggs a

I felt that today. It was 7:40 and I got Miloh strapped into his car seat and watched Staci take him to school. At that moment I knew that I had 48 (ok maybe 46) hours of freedom from having to get up early. And it feels good.  Aside from random events we alternate days that we put Miloh to bed and get up with him in the morning.  As I’ve mentioned before I’m not a morning person. So while it’s great hanging with Miloh in the morning, sharing some breakfast, some laughs, reading a book or maybe running around a coffee house because they have a good little breakfast for him and you forgot to prepare something in advance and realize you have no energy to make something good, it’s just way too early for me.  Maybe I should feel bad but there’s something awesome about hearing him wake up and cry out for us and knowing that it’s not my turn to get him. And there is something horrible about hearing him wake up and cry out for us and realizing that I have to find clothes, get up and

Staci and I always talked about when came time to discipline Miloh we would be very careful about the whole counting to three thing. Watching Super Nanny (yeah I've watched it) and just knowing folks that don't actually do something on three made it really important that if we did it there would be consequences on three. And now is when Miloh's trying to really test us... And he's showing his devilish side (some folks call it his Kenny side). So the counting started. One morning I caught myself having to do the count. I just figured he'd back down at two and we'd be all good. Then I was caught off guard when I hit three. So time out it was (a super small one where he sits in the corner and we tell him why he's in the corner). I'm not sure exactly what he did... It was probably something like sitting on a drum, feeding the dog people food, stepping in the dog water bowl multiple times or whatever. The problem is that he doesn't care... He's

Given some of Miloh's new phrases and thoughts I got thinking what would office life would be like if our minds stayed in the toddler stage, although some people may think that happens anyway. We'd get emails like this: From:  Miloh To:  Boss Subject:  I did it Just wanted you to know that I got to work today and turned on my computer. Thanks, Miloh From:  Miloh To:  Boss Subject:  I did it Just wanted you to know that I closed the door to my office. Thanks, Miloh From:  Boss To:  All office Subject:  Some praise for Miloh Hi all, I have some very exciting news today. About ten minutes ago I looked at Miloh and asked "Do you need to go to the potty?" And he said yes. So I put him on the potty and he went. This is a great day for our whole team. In honor of this milestone we'll be having a celebration with ice cream after nap. Please stop by his office and congratulate him, The Boss. From:  Mandy To:  All office Subject:  

When you have a kid you know there will inevitably be things you can no longer do... Some are obvious some aren't. I'm now learning the subtle things I can't do know that we have a toddler. I can't swear as much... Well that is kind of obvious... But now I can't even use substitute words. Like the other day when I said to our dog "Kalli, stop eating the freaking noodles." And Miloh then went around the house saying "free-in noo-noos." I can't eat anything that Miloh can't eat. I've tried to sneak things like taffy or candy that we don't want him to eat. He sees me every time and asks for it.  I can't turn the light on or off in an airplane. Well I can if I want Miloh to turn it on and off for the next 40 minutes.  I can't pull an iPod out of my bag before a plane takes off... As there will be crying when it needs to be stowed during take off. I can't teach him to head butt me. When he was super young I'd

When I was a boy I had one dream... That people would some day wear a shirt named after me. Well maybe I didn't have one dream. I guess it would depend on my age. At one point I wanted to own a pet store and breed gerbils. It's unclear if I'd carry animals other than gerbils but I'm guessing I wanted to be known as the "Gerbil Guy." And then at one point I wanted to make those big lego constructions, and at one time I wanted to be an astronaut, a marine biologist, a zookeeper and more. But we're here to talk about my dream to have a shirt named after me. Well I have yet to achieve that... But I do now have a softshell jacket named after me. Remember that time I wrote an open letter to Moosejaw telling them why I was a Human of Interest? Well if you don't you can click on that link in the last sentence. But if you do you can read on. I was told a bit ago that they do in fact think I'm and HOI (but we already knew that) and I'd be g

I had folks ask me questions over at The Paper Mama ? Well answers are up so head over there and check it. It's pure brilliance if you ask me.