smonk you: the best freaking daddy blog ever

For the last couple years on my birthday I did a list of things that inspired me. List from two years ago . Last year's list . I decided to stop that this year because, well I forget exactly why, but one reason is that a bit ago I ran across a fantastic post on @Lins610 's blog (down right now) that was a guest post by her husband @japster24 . It was a list of his 99 problems... And since I'm pro-plagiarism  I thought I'd steal his post and do a list of my 99. I have to say when I read his list a lot were true for me so I just copy and pasted his words in hopes that would somehow save the environment. Those ones are bolded. 1. I still haven't sent out my Bar Mitzvah thank you cards... But I believe the statute of limitations is 25 years so we're all good. 2. I'm not a fan of most forms of conversation that aren't face to face. Some of my least fave include; phone calls, emails, snail mail and texting. Skype is ok but it's a pain in the b

I wrote  a post  a few weeks ago about how Miloh's kicking my butt on the sleep front. Now he's going in for the kill. He's using germ warfare to do it. BMF (Before Miloh F which I have to use because BM was already taken as an acronym) I would get sick maybe twice a year. They'd be bad colds and not fun, but I'd be mobile. But as you know kids are the worst weapon in germ warfare Miloh's at the top of his game. Staci's pretty immune to all of this because she's been working with kids for a bit... I'm not immune. In December and January he gave me my first two sinus infections. They put me out pretty bad but luckily they were treatable with anti-biotics. Then he got smart and decided to give me a virus instead of an infection. And that's what I've been doing the last week... Getting my ass kicked by the worst virus I've ever had. One that kicked my butt in every way possible... How do I know he got me sick? I'd get sick a

I find myself saying it a lot but we don't let Miloh watch a lot of TV... Mostly because it goes a bit against Montessori at home (although we're pretty reform with that) and also because we, read I, watch too much and we don't want Miloh in the habit. On the list of things he does watch is The Cat in the Hat Knows A Lot About That. Netflix is our friend in the mornings so he will get a bit of that or Sesame Street while the person who's on duty that AM tries to actually wake up. And Miloh truly loves the show. He calls it hat and pats his head. He let's us know that there's a fish on screen every time the fish comes on screen, he dances and says "Go, go, go" when they sing that song. Unfortunately since we really only watch on Netflix we've only seen eight episodes... But this gives me time to really think about the show. Here are some problems with it: The Cat in the Hat actually really knows almost nothing about everything. He does

It started with having the quietest newborn ever when it came to sleep, then four days passed and he was not a good sleeper. Things got better for a minute and then it was bad again. At four months we did Cry it Out . That worked like a charm but then I wrote a post about it so he rebelled. It's been a roller coaster ride with his sleep. Recently we figured out he was scared of his room so his doctor suggested we put a gate up and keep the door open. Again we had a tough time and kinda needed to do a simpler CIO since he could walk to the gate because of the no crib deal. He's going to sleep well again. Sometimes he wants us to cuddle more. When he wants to do that he's different with both of us... With me he will push my head down so I know to sleep. Then he grabs me by the hair to pull my head up to see if my eyes are closed. Other times he has his independence. Sometimes pushes us away to leave. Sometimes he waves and says "bah-bah".

Smashing a waffle into his eye There's a good chance that the title of this post is misleading. Miloh may have had homemade waffles from me, but I forget if he has. So I'm counting this as the first time. If you've been reading since a bit before Miloh was born you'd know that, in this post , I was trying to figure out how waffles could be my breakfast thing for Miloh. Well I saw a great feature on the Paula & Paula blog which was called Breakfast International. Honestly, and without hyperbole, I think it's one of the best features I've seen on a blog. I am for some reason always interested in what people in other countries do for breakfast. Maybe it's because I'm all over the place with mine. Sometimes I do full on meals, sometimes almost nothing. But my fave breakfast is espresso and a great scone or croissant. Problem is great espresso and pastries are hard to find... And it's not a nutritious breakfast. Along those lines I foun

I was going to write a longer open letter to a restaurant that doesn’t take reservations but then decided there are more types of restaurants we go to... So I thought they should all get one. I should say that while I talk about Miloh going nutso at restaurants he’s not a terror. He’s just a normal 1.5 year-old who doesn’t want to sit for an hour in a high chair unless he’s eating. Dear Restaurant That Doesn't Take Reservations And Has A Two Hour Wait (RTDTRAHATHW) I heard about you awhile ago and I was totally interested in what you do. A restaurant that has awesome food that is served by the chefs? Sounds fantastic. Count me in, we’ll leave the kid at home. Oh, you have a two hour wait and don’t take reservations? I’m out Here's the deal. My wife and I have a kid. Our friends that we do dinners with often have kids. I should clarify... They always have kids, I meant we do dinner with them often. That kinda grammar throws me a bit... I didn't pay attention i

One thing I hate is people who use a ton of "big" words. It's not that I don't understand big words or anything it's just that I find that most people that throw them out often are either a) pompous assholes or b) people who want to make others feel inferior... Which I guess is really the same as 'a' but there's a difference... Plus I talk informally, string words together that probably should be connected and make up words that have semblance of a real word. However some big words do pop into my vocabulary with some frequency and Sisyphean is definitely one. I like it because I was a fan of Greek mythology as a kid and the story of Sisyphus was a fave. If you don't know it the summary is Sisyphus pissed off Zeus so Zeues gave him the task of rolling a boulder up a hill. However every time the boulder comes close to the top Zeus has it roll back down. Hence a Sisyphean task. And that's how things feel sometime... Especially when it co

Not sure if I need to say more than than but this is a blog so I suppose I should. We're a little lucky in that Miloh's tantrums have waned a bit. I know of course that as I write this he knows I'm writing it so they will be back. But the little fits happen every day and usually for something so small. And when they happen I'm half amused/laughing, half annoyed and half sympathetic because he's cute. Don't think to hard that math totally works out. That day it was milk. He wanted more but had enough. In reality I think he can drink a whole gallon in one standing (I'd say sitting but he prefers the taste when he's completely vertical). However he can't just drink milk. So we said no and he started crying. And then he did his little "I'm crying over nothing" jig which is incredibly cute. But in all it was annoying... And he wouldn't accept water or anything else. And like a good parent I walked away from him and called him o

Last week Lauren from With Two Cats asked me to guest post over at her blog for a day. I linked to it last week in my Behind The Tweet post... but wanted to include it here in case you missed it and because it seems like I'm writing a new post but in reality I'm not and in reality it doesn't matter. Lauren sent me some suggestions of what to write and one was for me was to do A Day in the Life post. So I Googled "A Day in the Life" knowing that I'd get a lot of Beatles results. However on the first page was a blog post by Chris Brogan. In that post he writes "A day in the life post is obviously such a self-absorbed thing..." I could add that it could be a potentially boring thing... So while it will most likely be the former I apologize if it's also the latter. But because I ramble I should probably examine the Beatles song "A Day in the Life". There's that lyric Woke up, fell out of bed, Dragged a comb across my

Sleeping on my head.  If you believe 7th grade biology than Miloh can't be my kid... He's got recessive features; blonde hair and blue eyes. But according to 8th grade biology he can be mine because it's not a black and white issue of genes. Now I'm not sure if any of the above is true about biology because it was awhile ago... I feel like I learned recessive and dominant as absolute and then later as how it actually works. Not sure if that was in two different grades, two different weeks or two different sentences... And I'm not sure if any of that made sense, but I decided to pay myself by the word for this post so I'm padding... But there are some ways to tell that Miloh is a tiny me in sheeps clothing. It's in his personality and the things he does. One specific thing is sleep time. I realize a lot of kids, if not all, drag it out... But I see a little me in the way he does it. I was able to drag out sleep with the best. If you ever get

Since most of my genius comes in under 140 characters I thought I'd do a little Behind The Tweet thing. But I should also mention that I guest posted at With Two Cats today. Check it out there but don't be disappointed when it shows up here later... It's a good post and there will be extra content (read one extra photo if I remember). Anyway back to Behind The Tweet. This was tweeted after some coworkers asked if I wanted to go to lunch and I said I was just going to go to Caribou for coffee... Then someone said that I looked tired. In reality I'm not tired... But I do look it often. It's because of Miloh... He's kicking my butt. You see my body hasn't adjusted to his time zone, and I'm not sure it ever will at this point. My body hates getting up before 7am... No matter when I go to sleep if I get up before 7 I feel like I'm hung over.  But it doesn't help that I usually can't sleep until midnight or later. And while Staci and I

I'm not sure where I heard it but I once heard someone quote a NYC cab driver who said “In a world full of sheep... be a goat.” Not a sheep. When I used the  Google to find out who said it I was scared the answer would be someone embarrassing said it like Bieber, Caitlin Upton or Michele Bachmann would have said it... Luckily I couldn't find anyone famous spouting those words. And it seems like a lot of people would have said it but really nothing good showed. So I'm gonna start using it as my own second hand quote... Skip my first line of this post and let me start over. There was this one time I was at LGA trying to get into the city. I had been there the week before and so I knew the best taxi line to get into. So I get in that line and finally get to the front and ask the cabbie if he took credit cards... A new law was enacted that made all drivers take them but you gotta ask just in case. But the dude said no... Some BS about the line I was in was cabbies

I've said before I think my dad is an ass... Not to get in to the whole thing but he never supported my sister or me financially after the divorce. He pulled some shit so he didn't have to, but in reality he would have been more than able and morally he should have. So I didn't grow up with the things I would have if he was doing his part. My mom (with help from my grandfather.... Why I took his name ) was great at letting me get the things I felt I needed as a kid. But sometimes I couldn't get exactly what I wanted. There was no better case than Transformers. They had just come out when I was in about sixth grade. I loved them, wanted many, but they were rather expensive. Enter Gobots. Gobots where cheaper versions of Transformers. Instead of needing instructions to figure them out all you had to do was flip the hood of the car to reveal a head and then pull out the arms and legs... A blind monkey could figure them out. But they were much less expensive so