smonk you: the best freaking daddy blog ever

I did my first and so far only vlog l ast year when Miloh was three months old... Actually in reality I've never done a vlog but Miloh has. Now he's back for his second one. We wanted to film him saying he was a big boy and not a baby as he says it a lot. But he had his own ideas...

Before Miloh was born I compiled a  list  of things that we planned on doing as far as raising him. I revisited it a bit over a year ago... And since I yet again feel like being lazy I thought I'd revisit and do an update. I'm so lazy that two-thirds of this will be totally lifted from that last revisit... I didn't even read it. Seriously.  Cloth diapers, what we said:  for me it's environmental reasons for Staci it's that and it helps for potty training. (FYI I hate the word potty.) Cloth diapers, what we were doing a bit over two months in:  we've been using regular diapers for now because his butt is freaking tiny and his poo is disgusting. Once he grows a bit and the poo is solid we plan on going cloth. Maybe at about 6 months. Cloth diapers, what we did or are doing:  we did use clothe for about a bit less than a year. But it was on and off as he got rashes. We're still doing cloth but only at night. When in school he pretty much wears those super...

I was going to write a post for today but we spent the weekend on a farm and friends, fun, family and driving all equal no post. To prove that we were on a farm here's a photo... You can see the pigmy goats in the background. Little known fact that the sound that goats make is "Maaaaaaatt". Don't believe me? Ask Miloh. He's good with his animal sounds now. Not goats.

I mentioned this in my last post but I wanted to mention again. In a couple weeks I'll be guest posting over at The Paper Mama . But I need you help. I'll be answering questions folks might have of me. It could be anything. About being a parent. About floor beds. About me hating cheese. About what separates a great French fry from a good French fry. Maybe something you wanted to ask her but didn't since I try to be as unsocial as I can through my social media outlets. So head over there and leave a comment in the post and I will probably answer. And if you've read this far I figure I'd give you a gift from the past. Here's a post from a year and a month ago. I meant to pick one from a year ago but accidentally scanned the June archives... But this was better because it has an embarrassing video of me signing like an ass. Enjoy .

After you dive into the greatness of this post please go to The Paper Mama blog . Chelsey asked me to once again break the gender barrier and be the first dad in her Get To Know A Mama feature. Although it's hi-jacked to become Get To Know A Dad. You can leave comments to ask me questions that I'll answer on her blog in the very near future. You can ask things like: "Are you really as awesome in real life as you seem on your blog?", "Why do people still eat microwave popcorn?", "How did you get over being dumped at the Jefferson Memorial when you were 12?" or perhaps more relevant things. So check it and thanks Chelsey Last week, July 10th to be exact,  when I was hanging with Miloh he ran to the bathroom. I thought he wanted to go onto the potty (hate that word). While it's early, we started toilet training because they do it in his school and he kind of digs it. He's peed a couple times, once when I was around. Staci celebrated an...

I was going to do a post for today but then Hilary from BabyMooHoo asked if I'd do a little guest post on her site. So I thought I can save today's post and use it another time, which is perfect because I only have a finite amount of ideas which means this blog will be exactly one post longer since I'm not really posting today. Although I suppose you can reason that I actually used an idea up for the guest post so really it all evens out. Whatever. Anyway go over there and check it out . I know I will as I forget what I wrote but know I liked it... So I'll need a refresher.  P.S. thank you Hilary for asking me to hang out on your blog for the day. 

Kids love bubbles. That's a fact. But I think they could be the cruelest thing ever for super young kids. Bubbles are super cool colorful and transparent floating balls of goodness. And every kid wants to get their hands on them. So they grab. And one of two things happen. They can't reach the bubble and ge frustrated and sad. Or they're able to grab the bubble and the second they touch it... Poof it's gone. Either way– disappointment. No fear... There's always another bubble on it's way. And more hope followed by disappointment. And so on and so on. At least that's how it could look to an observer... And I think that's how it would be if adults saw bubbles for the first time. We wouldn't have that same sense of wonder. But kids are able to harness the power of wonder and get delighted by the bursting bubble in hopes that one day they'll catch one... And sometimes they do. Miloh's not yet adept enough to grab one but he sure ...

Wisdom for Miloh: Learn how to eat a banana. Most folks will tell you there is one way to eat a banana. They are wrong. There is a right way and a wrong way. And most people eat them the wrong way. I have to admit I ate them the wrong way for probably about 30 years... Then I ran in to one of the most brilliant men I have ever met. Sorry, that's a lie... He's a copywriter and no brilliant person would put them self in that situation. But I know he just threw out his trademark JC (not Jesus Christ) smirk when reading that. And now he's saying "fucking Friedman." Anyway JC (not Jesus Christ) told me I was eating a banana wrong one day. I was eating it like everyone I've ever seen ate it... But I hadn't seen the light. You see professional banana eaters, some call them monkeys, eat them the opposite way that most humans do. They grab the stem and peel the top. It makes more sense... It's easier to peel the "bottom" of a banana even tho...

One of Miloh's favorite books is How Do Dinosaurs Eat Their Food? If you've never read it then I'll give you a brief synopsis. The first half of the book is questions. Do dinosaurs stick beans up their nose or smash fruit in their toes? And things like that. The second half is all about manners. It says no they don't do those things, they say please and thank you and have manners and all that. When we read it to Miloh it's cute... Every time we ask one of the questions (like do dinosaurs throw down their cup hoping to make someone else pick it up?) he answers yes. Of course we don't want him doing those things but it's funny when he shakes his head, smiles and says yes. And I'm not sure he really doesn't understand what he's saying yes to so we're good... Or not. Lately he's been imitating the dinosaurs... So maybe his yes answers were real. I'm pretty sure I was underestimating him. He's smashed potatoes into his toes...

Part of the collateral damage of having children is stringing words together in a way that you never thought you would. Here's some things I've said the last few weeks: "What made you think pouring granola over your head was a good idea?" During the diaper change that happened right after: "let me get that granola off your penis." "Why are you smooshing a sweet potato into your knee?" "You can put your balls on the table but don't let Kalli (our dog) eat them again." It was mozzarella. "That's not the (female) dog's belly button." "Don't tell mommy I taught you that." I forget what it was...  "They cat doesn't want to take the aardvark for a ride." "Why did you pee on my pillow?" Followed by: "it's not funny." Followed by: "it wasn't funny the first time, it's not funny this time." "Tell your doggy to go potty." It's a...

I'm not sure what it's called but I have that Larry David disease. Or is it a disorder? I have a knack for making situations uncomfortable with the sole purpose to humor me. I often can't turn it off but that's a given since it's a disease... Or disorder. There are times at parties where Staci's sole job is to apologize to pre-warn people that I'm sarcastic, have no filter and bored. The ones she doesn't get to on time get an apology from her later. I hate small talk. It's boring. So I push things to the edge of awkward... But the scientist in me thinks that I can't know where the edge of awkward is until I cross the line. Then I can say I was right. Side note: It's like the time I was at Bingo and I was squeezing the dabber so hard that I knew if I squeezed anymore it would burst. There was only one way to find out if I was right. A tiny little squeeze. Let me tell you that that dabber ink can fly. I'd feel bad for getting it all...

Did you know when you Google "percentage of urine in an average swimming pool" there's no real good answer? We know. about the composition of rocks on Mars but we don't know how much pee is in an average pool. Seems to me like our priorities are a bit off. I looked because of this post which is about me swimming in a pool with a bunch of kids. In other words I swam in a mix of 75% pee, 10% snot, 5% poo and 10% water. That's my unscientific guess. We started Miloh in a swimming class. I wasn't looking forward to being in the pool. I don't like pools. I like lakes, rivers and oceans. Staci likes pools but not lakes because they are filthy... I'd rather swim in sludge than high concentrations of pee. We were running late so I broke the cardinal rule of swimming pools. I didn't shower before getting in. I think this got some looks but here's the deal. I was clean and I don't see any need to shower before I swim in pee. Then as I entered...