smonk you: the best freaking daddy blog ever

I'm a fan of Halloween...I had so much fun trick-or-treating as a kid so I loved the idea of kids coming to our place and trick-or-treating. I looked forward to kids ringing the door bell in their cool costumes and me handing candy out. Unfortunately when we lived in Chicago we didn't live in a neighborhood that kids came around to. But when we moved away...to some burbs...I was crazy excited about trick-or-treating. The first year I bought the best candy, because I don't want to be one of those houses known for the bad stuff. I got a lot of candy because I didn't want any chance of running out. This is where you probably think I'm going to say no one came...but they did. Sure maybe it was only about 20 door bell rings but it was something. Since then traffic has gone to shit...but it started good...and that's not what this post is about. Here's how that first night went down. Door bell rings...I get it. Then I realize I had to interact with kids

Here's another piece of wisdom learned from a tattoo...specifically one I saw on Fuck Yeah Tattoos . Really at the rate these wisdoms are going you should ignore every 3rd one and just check out the site because it seems to be where I get my stuff from. Wisdom for Miloh: Don't feed the bad wolf. As I said while checking out FYT I saw a photo of a woman's tattoo that said "Don't feed the bad wolf." She explains that it comes from a Cherokee story that I think is pretty great. An elderly Cherokee was teaching his grandchildren about life… He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf is evil—he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego. The other is good—he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, com

Here's a little quiz for the new dads, and new moms...what's wrong with the picture below? Do you see it?  While you could say things like "none of the rings are missing" or "there's no food, snot, spit up or poo on any of the rings" or even "there are no bite marks from our dog and/or kid" those aren't the answers I'm looking for. I'm also not counting that they have an extra blue which they're considering indigo...that is wrong, because what the hell is it doing there anyway? I realize it's in the visual spectrum but I'm totally an old school primary, secondary and tertiary color guy. No indigo in those...so take it out of my color rings. Sorry for that but we have to stick up for our moral values.  To tell you the truth it took me months to figure it out.  See it yet? No, well I'll tell you...green is out of order. Yup, now that you see it you're probably realizing you were a fool.  It should go, blue, y

October 15-21

Hey Miloh, let me start by saying I'm a bit disappointed with you. Yesterday you totally dropped the ball in meeting a cute girl. Sure she was about three and a half times your age, which could have been intimidating, but dude...she was totally interested in you. I realize you gave her the Miloh "how you doing" eyes but you need to follow that up with something. Some kind of line, an opener, whatever but just say something. And that's my wisdom:  Say something. Say something smart. Say something clever. Say something honest. Say Something scary. Say something painful. Say something meaningful. Say Anything. (I totally didn't plagiarize that*.) I won't be able to pass along any good lines to pick up women...although I did pass along some bad ones . However the one thing I can pass along is that if you say nothing you will get nowhere. And, to fully understand the advice I'll force you to watch Say Anything because not only was it a great "sem

I'm super fascinated by brains of kids at the age Miloh is (9 months-ish). He babbles a lot and it's hard to tell if he's content with his babble, and our smiles that it gets, or if he's trying to communicate. Later you can see that a kid is trying to communicate and gets frustrated because he/she can't. Now is a weird sweet spot where I just can't figure what's going on in their brain. So I thought I'd write what Miloh could be thinking from when I get home from work until he goes to bed. This of course he he has mastered the English language...at least in thought...here goes: Oh, there's that dude that lives here. Hey lady, did you see that? The dude that lives here just came home. Hah, the dog is going nuts, she's funny. Look at her, she can't stop wiggling. Am I the only one seeing this? Hey folks are you seeing this? This is cracking me up. Why did the dude pick me up? I'm sitting here watching this dog and having a good

October 8-14

I was on Moosejaw's site and I saw Cottage Cheese in the secondary nav so I clicked it. Not sure why I clicked it because I hate cottage cheese as it's really gross looking. On that cottage cheese page I saw a thing called Moosejaw Humans of Influence in which they will name a piece of clothing after you. So since I'm batting 500 with my open letters I knew this situation called for another. Dear People of Moosejaw (with some extra love towards Sam) Let me start by saying you look fantastic today. No seriously. Did you cut your hair? No, that's not it...maybe that's a new shirt you're wearing. I'm not really sure what it is but I gotta say you look amazing (some may say "fantastic") today. I saw that Humans of Influence page on your site and I thought to myself "this is a great way for me, out of the kindness of my heart, tell folks about Moosejaw while getting a hoodie (or something else) named after me (or more specifically name

I'll eventually get somewhere with this but I'll start with don't get a tattoo...well at least wait until you're 25. That might seem like an arbitrary age, and it is to an extent, but there are a ton of bad tattoos out there so waiting a bit is a good idea. Although by the time you're 18 you will probably be able to have them lasered off at a cart in a mall. Also if you do get tattoos you need to vet them with me first...because like I said there is a bunch of crap out there...someone you know, not me, thought of getting a Smurf on a mushroom when they were 18. I have one I don't dig...it meant something at the time but it's so abstract that it kind of means nothing...but I kind of see some tattoos as scars, or remembrances of things, and that's why I got that one so I'm cool with it...until the day comes that I think of something kick ass to cover it up with (sorry mom.) Which (kind of) brings me to my latest tattoos, the one's I said I

October 1-7

This is is pretty much how every morning goes when we walk into Miloh's room. I had to cut it short short because a stray roach was walking around. Update: to answer Lauren's question. This is the Cliff Notes version of how this started happening. First thing is the floor bed should actually be called a bed floor. He often crawls out of his bed to sleep. Less now but he did a lot in the beginning. And at first he'd crawl towards the door wanting to get out and he'd fall asleep right at the door. There were a couple clunks until we started opening the door super slowly. Sometimes it took us awhile to open it. He could be right at the door and we had to nudge him out...slide a hand through and move him. Then as he got older he tried to open the door...but sadly he often shut it. He'd open it ever once in awhile but it was a fluke. But now that he's super old he gets how to open it. Most mornings he wakes around 6:20 and plays in his room for 15-30 mi

The other day after Miloh chomped on his Cheerios while Staci and I ate dinner I through my hand up to him and said "high five." He reciprocated. I smiled...probably ear to ear and put my hand up again for another. He smiled and gave me a second high five. We'd never done that before...I think one might have been offered when he was super young but I haven't tried in months. It was great. Then I went to put him to sleep...I laid on the floor next to him (in case you didn't know we have a floor bed .) He was there hanging with his pacifiers, he only gets them when he goes to sleep and now he can only sleep with at least 2. One in his mouth the others in his hands or around the bed...he switches around a bit. So there I was and he takes the one that isn't in his mouth and he tries to put it in mine. When he finally got it in my mouth, as opposed to my nose, cheek or eye, he smiled big. Then he took it out and tried to put it back in...and smiled. Thi

I'm fortunate that I haven't gotten many negative comments on this blog. And when I do I have to decide if I just want to ignore it (most are probably from trolls), respond in another comment (what I would usually do) or take the time to write a whole post about it like I did with an anti-formula comment months back. Well this one was pure gold so it gets it's own post. The comment was on a post that was basically just a picture of Miloh as we found him one morning...about 2 feet from his bed sucking his thumb. Said comment was a little rant about how horrible it is that we are allowing him the independence of a floor bed. Seriously that's what it's about...independence = bad. Here's the deal...I don't pretend that I think that there is a best way to raise a kid...I'm open to whatever works for others...so I get kind pissy when other people tell me what we're doing is wrong...because the floor bed is working for us, safe and great for Miloh

September 24- 30