An Open Letter to PF Flyers

You may remember last week's open letter to Spitz Seeds...here is one to PF Flyers, my favorite (favourite for my Canadian readers) shoe company.

Hello Mr or Mrs Flyers

About a year and a half ago I had a job in which I had to wear dress shoes Monday through Thursday and was only allowed podiatric freedom on Fridays. On those days you'd see me in a pair of Converse or some Jack Purcells.

Now I'm at a much better job that judges me on my work instead of my shoes and allows me the freedom to wear whatever shoe I want. And when I needed a good everyday shoe I knew Converse weren't the ones...too uncomfortable.

So I hopped online, checked out the options and I found your shoes...I remembered the name from my childhood but don't remember if I wore them. I do remember wearing polo shirts from Sears that had the little dragon on it instead of the Izod alligator but if I were to bring those up it would be a total tangent, so I won't.

Back to the shoes...I'm wearing the Archival Center Hi Reissue and I love them...so comfortable I can wear them every day.

But that's not why I'm writing...I'm writing to let you know about the most exciting opportunity that will come up in your Outlook inbox (I'm assuming you use Outlook because it's so ubiquitous although there are better email clients out there. Personally if I had a company I'd use Google Apps for my email...but I digress.)

I feel PF Flyers should become the official footwear of the wildly popular blog Smonk You: a story about being a dad. I say wildly popular because "wildly" can not be quantified.

You're probably thinking to yourself "Why the hell would we want to sponsor a daddy blog?" Well first I would tell you this is not a daddy blog. It has been established, by me, that it's a mommy blog written by a dude.

If you're still reading you're may be a bit confused about why you'd want to align with a me as I'm not an athlete or a celeb.

Well I'd tell you that I am in fact an athlete:

• I'm an avid snowboarder...sure I didn't get out last year or the year before but that doesn't count. 
• I own 3 bicycles...one is a 1988 Haro Master which is freaking awesome and old school
• I own Wii fit and Wii Fit Plus and actually plan on using the latter again once I get un-lazy
• I own a kite, a frisbee and some tennis balls we let our dog play with in the park

And I am in fact a celebrity:

• I was on the Bathtastic! the number one show hosted by Matt Muenster
• I made the last call on the first season of Real World
• I was an extra in the wildly popular 1994 film Double Dragon (it grossed like $30)

I know you're already sold in but here are some amazing facts about my blog:

• It has been read in 109 countries
• It has such incredible SEO value that people have found me by searching some of the most popular terms on the world wide web including:
  
  "whenever i am near him it feels like someone is cutting onions"
  "dumb donald halloween costume"
  "how do you pronounce bilibo"
  "a story about being a bird"
  "allstar seaworthy snork t-shirt"
  "baby doo rags"
  "cat food giveaway"
  "matzos jaw pain"
  "obscure words for furniture"
  "pros and cons of taking your birthday off work"
  "smonk you: dick"

What would this sponsorship look like you ask? You'd send me a couple pairs of shoes, more than a couple would be freaking amazing (I have 6 pairs of Converse/Jac Purcells I'll need to replace.) My only sneakers will be PF Flyers (with the exception of my Puma PopArt 917s which you have to admit rock.) And let me tell you...I'm one of those idiots that wears sneakers, my Center His to be exact, with dress pants even though I have to hide doing it from my wife.

No money...just shoes...that is as insane as getting 2 Slap Chops for the price of one. 

After we ink the deal I'll tell the world, via my blog, twitter and big old mouth, that I love you...not love love in a creep way but love as in really like the brand. I'll take photos of Miloh trying to eat my PF Flyers because cute babies sell stuff. And I'll place a logo on my homepage, with a link, that I guarantee will bring you at least 4 page hits.

I think we both know the answer is yes, now we just have to work out the formalities.

Talk to you soon...Kenny

UPDATE: I got some shoes