Since I'm a dude and unable to produce milk from I never thought I woul have to defend the reason we formula feed instead of breast feed. But I received a comment on a recent post so I thought I would talk about it here.
I'll get to the why we don't later but I'll start off on a tangent.
First off I don't want to alienate the person who asked the comment because they say they are a reader and I'm cool with anyone stopping by. But I can't call the person out anyway because the comment was anonymous...and here is where I go into a little bit of a rant, and if you follow me on twitter you know I'm a fan of the rant.
I'm assuming the comment was anonymous on purpose. Perhaps the person is a friend or someone I follow on twitter. Maybe they didn't want to ruin that relationship by coming out and saying it. I'm a big boy and can handle criticism.
Anonymous comments are never things like "Where did you get that cool toy?" they are usually a bit trolly. And the reason I bring up trolly, and again while I'm probably offending I'm not trying to, is because the comment was on a photo of Miloh and I. It would have been better placed on my review of a bottle or my week in numbers because I mention formula on those.
Now to the comment and my reply. The comment:
First off is it really anyone's business? I think not, especially because this is a dad blog, but I think if it was a mom blog I'd feel the same, however maybe I would have addressed it earlier. But anyone who reads mom blogs knows that it's a hugely emotional issue for some moms and I think it's rude when people on either side tell the other that they are doing something wrong.
I won't even get into anything about Staci because that stuff is personal and there are emotions for any woman who is struggling with breastfeeding for any reason.
But on to Miloh...he wouldn't take the boob. Now one might ask why we didn't keep trying to get him to latch. One reason is because he was pretty freaking jaundice at birth. So we had to decide have him basically not eat which would lead to worse jaundice, and that can lead to brain damage or other complications, or have him take the bottle.
With brain damage vs. bottle we pick the, hopefully, obvious choice of bottle.
Then we had to decide what we would go with moving forward...and again I don't feel it appropriate for me to go into the goings on there...but we stuck with bottle. It was working for him and his jaundice went away. He was in great health and he and we were happy.
Part of the comment was about it being best for him developmentally. We read all that, heard all that...if anyone is in the Montessori community you know that folks there are a wealth of info about breastfeeding (not sure why it kind of goes hand in hand.)
I wasn't breastfed...I'm not sure all the details as I was very young at the time but I wouldn't take and/or I couldn't handle the milk. And i'm not sure if there is a correlation but I'm allergic to milk and was from day one 9or two.) Maybe for whatever reason it wasn't for me as a newborn it wasn't for Miloh.
As for any adverse affects of me not being breast fed I'd say there are none (I'm looking at benefits on babycenter.) I'm in good health, have never had respiratory or ear probs. Aside from milk and egg albunem I have no allergies, I'm not obese but could stand to lose 8 pounds. And, although I don't like saying it, I'm a bit above average intelligence. So I'm not worried for Miloh.
About it being contradictory to buy non-processed foods and organic food and clothes but feeding him super processed formula that is hard to answer. Mostly because I have been a vegetarian for over 20 years and I prefer organic food or clothes...but if you knew me you'd also know that I love pure crap food. If I could eat nothing but french fries and falafel I would. I love me some Twix bars, although I would much prefer them if they were dark chocolate. I always buy 3 large boxes of Mike & Ikes, Lemonheads etc when Walgreens has the 3 for $3 sale.
If everything being equal I'd choose an organic shirt over a regular shirt...but if that organic shirt is ugly I'd sure as hell pick the regular one. I do buy organic foods but stick to the list of the most pesticide laden ones.
You see when it comes to the organic/healthy thing I'm a riddle wrapped in an enigma. I gets even more complicated when it comes to my uber-close to vegan-ness. I don't eat cheese EVER, and don't drink milk or eat eggs...but make me a brownie with eggs and milk and I will eat that thing up...put mayo in there and I'll spit it out on you.
Is his organic onesie going to change his life? It absolutely will...that's because I will chose options of organic stuff at times and he will be around it. Then when he's shopping for clothes he may buy more organic. Just because of the way we feed him he may eat less processed and be more vegan.
But if he want's to open a butcher shop or work in the Hostess fruit pie plant I'd be okay with that. And I'm sure if he did he'd be around people that when they have children decide to breastfeed them...which could be seen as contradictory too...but we all kind of do what is best for us, right?
So whoever wrote the comment I hope that answers your question...feel free to reply (anonymously or not.) But I want everyone to know that I don't want the comments on this post to become a back and forth of the breastfeeding camps and I will shut down/delete comments if that happens.
P.S. I'm really bummed that Hostess fruit pies are made with animal shortening...those things ROCKED.
I'll get to the why we don't later but I'll start off on a tangent.
First off I don't want to alienate the person who asked the comment because they say they are a reader and I'm cool with anyone stopping by. But I can't call the person out anyway because the comment was anonymous...and here is where I go into a little bit of a rant, and if you follow me on twitter you know I'm a fan of the rant.
I'm assuming the comment was anonymous on purpose. Perhaps the person is a friend or someone I follow on twitter. Maybe they didn't want to ruin that relationship by coming out and saying it. I'm a big boy and can handle criticism.
Anonymous comments are never things like "Where did you get that cool toy?" they are usually a bit trolly. And the reason I bring up trolly, and again while I'm probably offending I'm not trying to, is because the comment was on a photo of Miloh and I. It would have been better placed on my review of a bottle or my week in numbers because I mention formula on those.
Now to the comment and my reply. The comment:
I have really enjoyed reading your blog! Miloh is adorable. It is great that you and your wife are really trying to be environmentally friendly and purchase as many "natural" products as you can. I am just curious to know why he isn't being breastfed? Did he try it and it wasn't working out? As you know breastmilk is the most natural food you could ever give your baby. It just seems a little contradictory to buy organic, natural items for the baby, yet feed him one of the most chemically processed horrible foods out there. Wearing an organic onesie isn't going to make any difference in his life (or yours), but feeding him breastmilk would. Just curious to know your stance on this!My response:
First off is it really anyone's business? I think not, especially because this is a dad blog, but I think if it was a mom blog I'd feel the same, however maybe I would have addressed it earlier. But anyone who reads mom blogs knows that it's a hugely emotional issue for some moms and I think it's rude when people on either side tell the other that they are doing something wrong.
I won't even get into anything about Staci because that stuff is personal and there are emotions for any woman who is struggling with breastfeeding for any reason.
But on to Miloh...he wouldn't take the boob. Now one might ask why we didn't keep trying to get him to latch. One reason is because he was pretty freaking jaundice at birth. So we had to decide have him basically not eat which would lead to worse jaundice, and that can lead to brain damage or other complications, or have him take the bottle.
With brain damage vs. bottle we pick the, hopefully, obvious choice of bottle.
Then we had to decide what we would go with moving forward...and again I don't feel it appropriate for me to go into the goings on there...but we stuck with bottle. It was working for him and his jaundice went away. He was in great health and he and we were happy.
Part of the comment was about it being best for him developmentally. We read all that, heard all that...if anyone is in the Montessori community you know that folks there are a wealth of info about breastfeeding (not sure why it kind of goes hand in hand.)
I wasn't breastfed...I'm not sure all the details as I was very young at the time but I wouldn't take and/or I couldn't handle the milk. And i'm not sure if there is a correlation but I'm allergic to milk and was from day one 9or two.) Maybe for whatever reason it wasn't for me as a newborn it wasn't for Miloh.
As for any adverse affects of me not being breast fed I'd say there are none (I'm looking at benefits on babycenter.) I'm in good health, have never had respiratory or ear probs. Aside from milk and egg albunem I have no allergies, I'm not obese but could stand to lose 8 pounds. And, although I don't like saying it, I'm a bit above average intelligence. So I'm not worried for Miloh.
About it being contradictory to buy non-processed foods and organic food and clothes but feeding him super processed formula that is hard to answer. Mostly because I have been a vegetarian for over 20 years and I prefer organic food or clothes...but if you knew me you'd also know that I love pure crap food. If I could eat nothing but french fries and falafel I would. I love me some Twix bars, although I would much prefer them if they were dark chocolate. I always buy 3 large boxes of Mike & Ikes, Lemonheads etc when Walgreens has the 3 for $3 sale.
If everything being equal I'd choose an organic shirt over a regular shirt...but if that organic shirt is ugly I'd sure as hell pick the regular one. I do buy organic foods but stick to the list of the most pesticide laden ones.
You see when it comes to the organic/healthy thing I'm a riddle wrapped in an enigma. I gets even more complicated when it comes to my uber-close to vegan-ness. I don't eat cheese EVER, and don't drink milk or eat eggs...but make me a brownie with eggs and milk and I will eat that thing up...put mayo in there and I'll spit it out on you.
Is his organic onesie going to change his life? It absolutely will...that's because I will chose options of organic stuff at times and he will be around it. Then when he's shopping for clothes he may buy more organic. Just because of the way we feed him he may eat less processed and be more vegan.
But if he want's to open a butcher shop or work in the Hostess fruit pie plant I'd be okay with that. And I'm sure if he did he'd be around people that when they have children decide to breastfeed them...which could be seen as contradictory too...but we all kind of do what is best for us, right?
So whoever wrote the comment I hope that answers your question...feel free to reply (anonymously or not.) But I want everyone to know that I don't want the comments on this post to become a back and forth of the breastfeeding camps and I will shut down/delete comments if that happens.
P.S. I'm really bummed that Hostess fruit pies are made with animal shortening...those things ROCKED.
Great answer. Though I am surprised a bit given your anti-feeding support. Anyways, we too were given the choice "Either he gets a bottle in the hospital or he's not going home." Even thought I fully intened to nurse after we got home, bottle he got and home he came. Thanks for sharing all your Organic, Hostess, Lemonhead background. I feel it adds depth to your otherwise "flat" personality. :)
ReplyDeleteI like your comment. And, as a formula feeding mom, take offense to the annonymous poster's comment about formula being the "most chemically processed horrible food out there." Really? You think? Interesting, since many babies take formula and thrive on it. And, I'm sure I can think of many other foods that are much worse for my seven-month-old. And? It would nice if parents were not judged based on if they feed their babies with boobs or bottles. If the baby is healthy, happy, and NOT hungry-that's really all that matters.
ReplyDeleteWhoops, sorry, guess I vented on your vent. :)
I am sorry that you felt attacked by the anonymous persons comment. It doesnt feel good when people question our choices as parents. I wish that people who want to question others would at least leave a name! It's kinda like being 'hit' from behind.
ReplyDeleteIf you read my blog (not likely) you will understand my stance on the BF/FF issue and that i am a very pro-breastfeeder but i HATE when that comes with formula bashing. I know i dont need to tell you this but formula is not horrible - sure it is not 'ideal' but it certainly isnt going to kill your child.
I don't think it was an unreasonable question for one of your readers to ask given you are organic and all that - i do however feel they could have asked with more tact and less criticism.
I am sorry you even felt the need to justify your choices and Miloh is going to be just fine ;)
Devan @ Accustomed Chaos
http://www.accustomedchaos.com
well said. you know my stance, so i will leave before i get all ape shit up in this piece.
ReplyDeletebesides, i want a fruit pie now. but since they are terrible i will probably just eat some cheese.
^5 to your rant!
ReplyDeleteI am a Momma who wanted to BF and my boobs had other plans. Dealing with jaundice with my son I made the same decision as you did. Formula. Formula today is as close to breast milk as possible without actually "being" breast milk. There are worse things you could do as a parent than to give your baby formula. I don't understand why people want to bash one another over it...as long as the baby is fed, happy, healthy and thriving...it doesn't matter!
Well said!
ReplyDeleteI often think people think the same about us.
We formula feed but we are a strict homeopathic medicine using family.
But honestly, the people who are on their high horse about "i only breastfeed my child" are also likely the people who wouldn't think twice about feeding their kid mcdonald's food. yeah, like thats a healthy choice right there!
anyways, dont worry about what others say. funny how this person had to hide behind their computer screen to ask you.
take care
Great post. I was bottle fed by choice (seemed to be the thing in mid 60s) and our kids were bottle fed for (what we consider to be good) reasons that are entirely our own. I'm sure you'll be getting similar posts in the future about TV, video games, when and what pre-school to go to, half or full day k-garten, yadda, yadda, yadda. Any dogmatic assertion about your choices with respect to any of these things, beyond being annoying, is incredibly condescending. It assumes that you're selfish and equally-dogmatic enough not to pay attention to your kids and make changes as necessary to do best by them.
ReplyDeleteBottom line is that he's YOUR son. You're too nice to this person - I'd have posted a nice 'mind your own business, bitch' and left it at that. You owe nobody an explanation for why you parent your son the way you choose to.
ReplyDeleteDude. Seriously. Your wife is a lucky gal.
ReplyDeleteI write about this issue (on my blog and for a book that I'm currently working on) and I LOVE hearing from dads on the topic. You guys have a way of cutting through the crap in a non-emotional, rational way, and it's a fascinating perspective. Unfortunately, so many husbands I've encountered (including mine, who has luckily since reformed and is now the most fearless formula feeder of all) are so brainwashed by the breast-is-best propaganda that they are terribly unsupportive - it usually stems from love and concern for their child, but I think b/c the boobs are not attached to them, they just can't understand the amazing mind-f*** that this breastfeeding thing can be. So kudos to you, and to your wife, for choosing such a great guy to marry.
And FWIW - your milk allergy definitely could have been part of the reason you couldn't tolerate your mom's milk. My son has a severe milk protein allergy and he was sick as hell on my milk, despite cutting out all "offending" foods. I'm a vegetarian (sometimes vegan myself) as well, and obviously I wanted to do what was most natural and organic for my kid... but once we switched to formula, he THRIVED. It's hard to dismiss that, no matter how often I hear that babies "can't be allergic to breastmilk" from the lactivists.
Thanks for this post. You rock.
How disappointing that the commenter chose to remain anonymous, even more so that they did such a poor job\ phrasing their question in a respectful manner (just because you don't drop F-Bombs and call yourself "curious" doesn't make your language respectful), but I suppose that's to be expected from someone refusing to even leave a fake name.
ReplyDeleteBalls. Get some.
I'm happy that Milo is thriving on whatever he's eating, and I couldn't care less what that is as long as your family is comfortable with your choice. I also don't think that whether you choose to BF or FF has any correlation to your overall level of eco-consciousness.
Most importantly, I confess myself not at all upset to learn about the fruit pies because animals taste good short or tall. However I would like to know what your feelings are on Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes and/or Oatmeal Creme Pies.
Whenever you get a minute.
Thanks all for the comments...very cool.
ReplyDeleteAs for Miss ParentinginProgress. I am not a fan of the Christmas Tree Cakes, from what I remember the cake is dry and the frosting is slimey. I haven't had an Oatmeal Cream Pie in a while but I think they are vegetarian...and they are awesome.
I don't know of a baby that did not have some kind of jaundice at birth. Our hospital would not let us leave until our baby gained more weight so we did give him some formula to start. He was breastfed too but we had to supplement with formula for the first two weeks and then again when he was around 10 months old. I know there are breastfeeding advocates out there that really look at formula as evil. It's gotten to the point that I'm kind of afraid to say that I used formula initially until my milk started to come in. Ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteOh and the anonymous comment! I can't stand those! I got a couple for criticizing me for sleep training my baby. That's another touchy one.
Thank you for being Formula and proud! I had every intention of breastfeeding too - we're all organic around here, and I have ten thousand food allergies so I wanted to give my girl all the advantages I could. But, like you, there were health issues for me (including some hard core mediations which might be in the breastmilk), latching issues for my preemie baby, and general well-being concerns all the way around. Though I agree that I wouldn't want to live on powder mixed with water for the first 6 months of my life, sometimes the options are what they are. People who are lucky enough to breastfeed without complications will never understand that sometimes the option is NOT an option. Live and let live peeps!
ReplyDeleteI've never understood why certain things - politics, religion, and baby-feeding?! - turn into such emotionally charged issues. I don't judge whether you're jewish or christian. Let's extend the courtesy to all areas shall we?
I obviously have no qualms about your choice about how to feed your child. He is healthy happy and growing yes?
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if you are aware or not but Earths Best formula is organic and brown rice based instead of corn syrup.
I do understand the commenter pointing out the disparity between being organic and not feeding your child organic formula. That being said its really none of our business and the choices you make are still...yours not ours.
Okay, can I just say how IRRITATING I find
ReplyDeleteA: Anonymous comments (it's like, get some effing balls and LEAVE YOUR NAME, for crying out loud)
and
B: Comments that SOUND nice and "honestly just curious" when there is a distinct air of being condescending and "holier than thou".. Which is EXACTLY what that comment was.
"Can I ask why you did it this way? You know, breastmilk is best.. blah blah fucking blah.."
UGH. It seriously makes me want to RAGE. You know I had issues breastfeeding and like Staci, had a lot of guilt associated with that. Of COURSE I know breastmilk is best, dumbass, but you know what's also great? A CHILD THAT EATS AND IS GAINING WEIGHT, and a mom that isn't beside herself with sleep deprivation and sobbing every night because her baby won't stop crying.
I get so effing sick and tired of people treating formula like it's DANGEROUS and unhealthy. STFU, for crying out loud.
Ugh. I feel ranty right along with you.
As a qualified nursery nurse who also holds a degree and two diplomas in childcare, over eighteen years experience and has won two awards in nannying, I (shock horror) formula fed my baby!
ReplyDeleteA lumpectomy in 2005 caused reaccuring double mastitis (ouch) and after five weeks of agony and pressure (from myself) I gave up.
My daughter at seven months is advanced in her physical, emotional and intellectual development, sleeps hslf hour in the mornings, 2-3 hrs in the afternoon and a full 13 at night.
She has been in a dour hour routine since birth and went from being a teeny 6 1bs 6 to the top of the centile chart in two months.
Whenever I get asked (or told) about the benefits of breastfeeding I simply say the benefits to a hsppy healthy mother is far more important than breastmilk.
The pressure is enormous and can lead to many new mums feeling like complete failures if they can't (or don't want) to b.feed.
I'm writing an article about this subject for my website and others and would love to link to this if that's ok?
Regards,
Fi www.childcareisfun.co.uk
I'm totally with you. I am a breastfeeding mom. Nursed my first daughter until she was 15 months. Weening entailed me leaving town to dry up and her to forget about it because she loved the boob. I just had number 2 and she has struggled with feeding because she was early. She is now starting to nurse more than bottle feed, which is great. During this process my milk supply depleted, which meant that we had to use formula. And I too hated the comments from others. It's no ones business and plenty of healthy infants turn into healthy children turn into healthy adults that were formula fed... I being one of them. Bottom line, thank goodness for formula. What would happen to these babies who struggle to feed initially if it wasn't available? Wet nurses or the unthinkable.
ReplyDeleteI stop by your blog regularly and would always comment with my NAME not annon - and I'm with you on this one. Your kid had to feed. We were in a similar boat - kid in the NICU, jaundiced, wacky blood sugars and food was needed, pronto. Not colostrum, MILK. I never made enough, we always had to top up. And I detest people who judge without knowing the background. I asked a lactation consultant once what happened to babies in the 'old days' before formula was around. She said they basically either got a wet nurse, some other 'random' food (worse than "terrible" formula :p) or... died. I think formula has a very valid place - despite the holier than holies who say otherwise.
ReplyDeleteOh I do like some breastfeeding drama. oh I shouldn't admit that I like drama on blogs- should I? I tried really hard to breastfeed my first baby and it was a NIGHTMARE- I like people who just do what they want and stick by it. It's too bad that so many breastfeeding mom's are so rude to other people. I like the idea that no matter how a mom chooses to feed her baby, she needs support.
ReplyDeletealthough i do have to strongly disagree with you if you dislike mayo.
well, now it's my turn...since my body is the subject of this i have to chime in..yup, it's wifey Staci here. I am so utterly taken back. This is a topic thay really gets me mad. who gets off telling others what is right and what is wrong about their child. Especially breastfeeding. Man that pisses me off. I know my son and what was best for him.
ReplyDeleteI feel that when people ask this question there is a hidden agenda. But why ask such a personal question and make such a bold statement? What if there was a medical issue that was unknown to the public causing me to be unable to breastfeed? What if I tried so hard that I got infections, had to go to the er and unable to produce milk? What if I cried for hours as I tried to pump so that I could supliment milk with the formula but nothing came out? What if I had some disease that could be passed down to my son. Or what if I just didn't want to breastfeed? Whatever the reason, how flippin dare you miss annonymous person comment on what is best for my son.
Want to know what is best for my son? Love, support, confidence, being openminded, being non-jugemental, being happy, being a mom that loves her son with all her mind, body and soul.
maybe kenny didn't vent but hell, I sure will. But....i will stop before I get nasty. Yes, I am a firey 5 foot mama! I give props to those who breast feed and those who bottle feed. Being a mom is a lot of work. Do what is best for your child. There are millions of decisions to make down the road. Do each one with confidence knowing that you're doing what is best for the smallest!
Oh yeah...thank you kenny, my amazing husband for even tackling this subject. I know you don't have the milk or in this case the non milk producing products but you took the comment head on and for that I love you. Well, I love you for everything. This just adds to the list.
I think I love you for this post. Not in a weird way.
ReplyDeleteBut breast-feeding nazis piss me off.
A "decision" to breastfeed or not is a highly personal one. Whether it is made for you, or by someone else. Someone usually smaller than you. Or sometimes bigger and with a medical degree.
You're awesome parents. From what I've read. Keep it up.
I don't know if i've ever told you, but i love your blog. Great post, i won't comment cause i don't want to go on a tirade. cudos to you for being such a supportive hubby.
ReplyDeleteWow! I have read all of these comments and what strikes me most is the lovely support you and your wife have from Smonk You readers. The whole breastfeeding/formula debate always fascinates me. I breastfed my daughter until she was 15 months old and plan on doing the same for my son who is just on 6 months. First time around was a nightmare, lots of setbacks etc but second time around was a breeze. Although I am pro-breastfeeding I would never judge the choices another mother makes when feeding her child. As your lovely wife Staci said, you just never know what led to that decision to bottle-feed.
ReplyDeleteStaci and Kenny you guys rock. Supported your decision from day one, whatever it was, and still do, for whatever the reasons because of who you are as people and who I know you are as parents.
ReplyDeleteNow I just need to get my act together and get the families together soon!!!
Thank you. I struggled it was very emotional and that's all I Am going to say about that...
ReplyDeleteOf course Staci would be that awesome.
ReplyDeleteIt was ever-so-thoughtful of the anonymous commenter to show such concern for Miloh's well being, but I have a feeling he will be just fine.
Kenny, as always, you rule.
I love that you are so honest, yet protect your wife's interests. Your blog is completely refreshing, and I love hearing the guy's side of things, as my husband refuses to open up (even about his preference between creamy and crunchy peanut butter!) Thanks for a great post and great perspective!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the post. It hit close to home for me. My son is almost five months old. We started out 100% breastfeeding. When I went back to work, pumping was really hard, and we had to start supplementing with formula. Layer on top of this that I had to have my galbladder out about a month ago, and after surgery, the milk supply tanked!!! But, I went online to find tips for increasing supply, and found that most of the "helpful" sites also carried with them the stigma of "formula is the devil." Which I really don't believe...BUT after pumping hours a day to maybe get one bottle a day, I still somehow was making myself feel guilty for wanting to go 100% formula...and I feel like most of my guilt was stemming from exteral sources, not my own opinions about formula.
ReplyDeleteSo son is now on day 3 of being 100% formula fed, and looks no worse for it. So I know that you're the dad, and not the "milk machine," but as I'm still dealing with some residual guilt (and anger at those who want to make us feel like failing for not breastfeeding), seeing your post this morning made me smile, and made me feel a little better. Thanks!
I will now be lurking all of the comments on your posts with hopes of catching "Staci Comments". Your wife is rad, I wish SHE had a blog, I'd be a faithful reader. Just like I am of this here bloggy blog.
ReplyDeleteBoth of your responses to that obscene comment were great. I would be livid if someone said something like that to me. I have been a formula feeder since day one, for my own personal reasons. My child THRIVES like no other. And find it offensive for someone to say something like that to me about breastfeeding. Or my lack of it.
Bottom line, anonymous commenter are always douche bags!
PS, Staci needs her own blog. Or she should be a guest blogger weekly around here!
When I had my first child I left the hospital with a massive infection (thanks hospital) and was returned to hospital within a week. Where I stayed for another three weeks on very strong antibiotics. Which affected my ability to breastfeed and so we turned to formula. I was fine, my son was fine, it all worked out for the best.
ReplyDeleteBut it didn't stop pro-breastfeeding midwives from wheeling a tv and video into my room and making me watch a dvd on breastfeeding. I was exposed to some very ugly breasts in that hour. And because I couldn't walk and had no remote control, there was nothing to be done but suffer through it.
I'm all for breastfeeding. I just don't want to watch it. Thanks nurses.
With my twins I hoped to feed them myself. But I was physically incapable of providing enough milk for them. And I tried. I truly tried. And they cried. When I suggested supplementing them with formula to the nurses at the hospital they were very hostile and resistant. And I felt wrong for trying, but as soon as the supplementing began I had happy babies who cried less and gained weight. And I combination breastfed/bottlefed them for six months.
To be honest, I hated breastfeeding. I felt so bovine. But that is just my opinion.
I knew a woman who breastfed her children until they were four. Her choice. But to be honest, I can't see that any breasts that dog-eared were giving anything nutritious that far down the track.
I don't think there is a right or wrong in this. What is right for some people is wrong for others. And we just have to do what is right for us personally.
Breastfeeding is such a politicizing issue with parenting. Way to defend your opinion and not do so anonymously.
ReplyDeleteBTW, I'm typing this as my daughter is drinking her formula.
Unfortunately not all boobs (or babies) are created equal. Some women have no trouble at all breastfeeding. Others just can't produce. I wish those with abundant 'flows' would realize this and not make the non-boob feeders feel bad about bottle feeding. I worked with breastfeeding for 3 months. As a mother of twins, I was never able to produce enough. My decision to stop trying was the hardest decisions I've ever had to made. I don't need anyone else to make me feel worse that I did when I decide to stop.
ReplyDeleteThe choices you make for your children are your choices and should not be questioned by others. Can't we all just get along?
anon commentators need to grow some balls.
ReplyDeletethat really is too bad. her comment would have been fine had she stopped after her question of curiosity, without going on to say what you were doing wrong.
as for the whole organic thing and it not helping Miloh - I also disagree (with her). I breastfeed and we buy all organic food and attempt at natural products too. But we don't cloth diaper. Sometimes you just can't do it all... but every bit you do do, helps! And it is teaching Miloh.
So rock on, dad! (and Staci!)
Breastfeeding is such a touchy subject with new parents. As a mom, I try to avoid the question, as it invites people to offer their opinion. Formula or breast, what's right for the mom is what's best.
ReplyDeleteJust as their are La Leche crazies, there are formula pushers too. One of the things I like least about being a parent is that other people have such strong opinions about how I should raise my child.
Sometimes I feel like writing a blog can be viewed as an invitation to pass judgement on my choices.
For example, I don't understand how you could possibly like Lemonheads. I find them too hard and they hurt my teeth. I much prefer the softer candies - and I can eat an entire jumbo box of Red Vines when they are on sale at CVS.
Word.
You know what's awesome? When your kids get old enough and you're no longer a "new parent" and nobody ever talks about breast vs bottle anymore. You realize how silly it all was.
ReplyDeleteMiloh is adorable and awesome and you guys are doing a great job.
well, now it's my turn...since my body is the subject of this i have to chime in..yup, it's wifey Staci here. I am so utterly taken back. This is a topic thay really gets me mad. who gets off telling others what is right and what is wrong about their child. Especially breastfeeding. Man that pisses me off. I know my son and what was best for him.
ReplyDeleteI feel that when people ask this question there is a hidden agenda. But why ask such a personal question and make such a bold statement? What if there was a medical issue that was unknown to the public causing me to be unable to breastfeed? What if I tried so hard that I got infections, had to go to the er and unable to produce milk? What if I cried for hours as I tried to pump so that I could supliment milk with the formula but nothing came out? What if I had some disease that could be passed down to my son. Or what if I just didn't want to breastfeed? Whatever the reason, how flippin dare you miss annonymous person comment on what is best for my son.
Want to know what is best for my son? Love, support, confidence, being openminded, being non-jugemental, being happy, being a mom that loves her son with all her mind, body and soul.
maybe kenny didn't vent but hell, I sure will. But....i will stop before I get nasty. Yes, I am a firey 5 foot mama! I give props to those who breast feed and those who bottle feed. Being a mom is a lot of work. Do what is best for your child. There are millions of decisions to make down the road. Do each one with confidence knowing that you're doing what is best for the smallest!
Oh yeah...thank you kenny, my amazing husband for even tackling this subject. I know you don't have the milk or in this case the non milk producing products but you took the comment head on and for that I love you. Well, I love you for everything. This just adds to the list.
Oh I do like some breastfeeding drama. oh I shouldn't admit that I like drama on blogs- should I? I tried really hard to breastfeed my first baby and it was a NIGHTMARE- I like people who just do what they want and stick by it. It's too bad that so many breastfeeding mom's are so rude to other people. I like the idea that no matter how a mom chooses to feed her baby, she needs support.
ReplyDeletealthough i do have to strongly disagree with you if you dislike mayo.
I'm totally with you. I am a breastfeeding mom. Nursed my first daughter until she was 15 months. Weening entailed me leaving town to dry up and her to forget about it because she loved the boob. I just had number 2 and she has struggled with feeding because she was early. She is now starting to nurse more than bottle feed, which is great. During this process my milk supply depleted, which meant that we had to use formula. And I too hated the comments from others. It's no ones business and plenty of healthy infants turn into healthy children turn into healthy adults that were formula fed... I being one of them. Bottom line, thank goodness for formula. What would happen to these babies who struggle to feed initially if it wasn't available? Wet nurses or the unthinkable.
ReplyDeleteI obviously have no qualms about your choice about how to feed your child. He is healthy happy and growing yes?
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if you are aware or not but Earths Best formula is organic and brown rice based instead of corn syrup.
I do understand the commenter pointing out the disparity between being organic and not feeding your child organic formula. That being said its really none of our business and the choices you make are still...yours not ours.
Dude. Seriously. Your wife is a lucky gal.
ReplyDeleteI write about this issue (on my blog and for a book that I'm currently working on) and I LOVE hearing from dads on the topic. You guys have a way of cutting through the crap in a non-emotional, rational way, and it's a fascinating perspective. Unfortunately, so many husbands I've encountered (including mine, who has luckily since reformed and is now the most fearless formula feeder of all) are so brainwashed by the breast-is-best propaganda that they are terribly unsupportive - it usually stems from love and concern for their child, but I think b/c the boobs are not attached to them, they just can't understand the amazing mind-f*** that this breastfeeding thing can be. So kudos to you, and to your wife, for choosing such a great guy to marry.
And FWIW - your milk allergy definitely could have been part of the reason you couldn't tolerate your mom's milk. My son has a severe milk protein allergy and he was sick as hell on my milk, despite cutting out all "offending" foods. I'm a vegetarian (sometimes vegan myself) as well, and obviously I wanted to do what was most natural and organic for my kid... but once we switched to formula, he THRIVED. It's hard to dismiss that, no matter how often I hear that babies "can't be allergic to breastmilk" from the lactivists.
Thanks for this post. You rock.
I don't know if i've ever told you, but i love your blog. Great post, i won't comment cause i don't want to go on a tirade. cudos to you for being such a supportive hubby.
ReplyDeleteWell said!
ReplyDeleteI often think people think the same about us.
We formula feed but we are a strict homeopathic medicine using family.
But honestly, the people who are on their high horse about "i only breastfeed my child" are also likely the people who wouldn't think twice about feeding their kid mcdonald's food. yeah, like thats a healthy choice right there!
anyways, dont worry about what others say. funny how this person had to hide behind their computer screen to ask you.
take care